Self-Introduction
Dear Professor Somrita,
My name is Jerrick Soh, I am currently a first-year student studying in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) and my course of study is Civil Engineering. I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in Electronics, Computer and Communication Engineering. After graduating I decided to broaden my range of interest and went exploring with my group of friends out of town. During this time, I get to experience different kind of lifestyles and visited many different areas in the city. Whenever I first visited a place, there was one thing that I will always look out for. It was the structural design of the buildings and how different it is from the town I grew up in. This has sparked a new interest in me and hence, I decided to pursue Civil Engineering in SIT.
My hobby is to play sports and I excel in Badminton. I specialized in playing doubles, which requires communicating well with my partner as well as the team. During the gameplay, me and my partner will often communicate with each other and discuss strategies to play. This allows us to get an advantage over our opponents. Communication is constantly happening during gameplay as the opponents will also be discussing among themselves on how to win the game. One thing I have learnt in badminton is to be able to get my messages across to one another. An example will be that, I often follow my coach to conduct classes for the primary school students where I will taking charge and looking after a group of students and their well-being. This is where I exercise my communication skills while teaching the students, both physically and verbally.
One weakness I have in communicating is that, I often stutter when explaining and giving a clear and concise instructions. A good example would be during the classes I conduct for the primary school students. Sometimes, primary school students may be hard to handle due to their playfulness and their curiosity towards anything that has their interest. When giving instructions and explaining to the group, they often have questions to ask me which had me thinking for the proper terms and words to use. I tend to stutter and pause for awhile before giving an answer to the students and sometimes the students may not fully understand too. Hence, I would concur that I am not fluent enough to bring across messages to different people.
In this effective communication module, my goal is to be able to converse and articulate my intended message with ease. I hope to be more confident in public speaking as well as conducting classes for the primary school students.
Yours sincerely,
Jerrick Soh
Hi Jerrick,
ReplyDeleteOverall, I really liked your introductory letter as it was informative as well as appealing. Reason being, I feel that the flow of the letter was smooth throughout and every event that is mentioned is backed up with examples. With this, I was able to visualize the scenarios very clearly. Though, there is a minor error and I would like to correct it if that is okay.
As quoted from above, "During this time, I get to experience different kind of lifestyles and visited many different areas in the city." I feel that 'kind' has to be changed to 'kinds' as lifestyles are considered plural.
All in all, I really envy the way you write because it is coherent which makes it engaging to read. I hope we are able to improve ourselves in building our confidence in public speaking with the help of this module. Thank you for sharing.
Best Regards,
Nadhirah
Dear Derrick,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your letter thoroughly and mostly because of the stories that you narrated. These narratives bring color to your story and help with visualizing your examples. I certainly hope that you would use this amazing opportunity to practice speaking during class. I would also want to encourage you to share your opinions/thoughts more in class. Each class is a good practice session to develop your communication skills. What I don't understand in the first paragraph is the timeline of event due to a mix of verb tenses.
Although you have narrated your story with vivid descriptions at times, there are few issues to consider regarding language use. Below are my suggestions:
1. My name is Jerrick Soh, I am currently a first-year > This is Comma Splice. These are two independent clauses, and you have used comma to join them incorrectly. Learn about Comma Splice. You can refer to the article shared me on LMS regarding use of Comma.
2. a first-year student studying in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) > 'in' or 'at'
3. My name is Jerrick Soh, I am currently a first-year student studying in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) and my course of study is Civil Engineering. > (There's too much happening in this sentence.) ? Suggest you to rewrite this sentence.
4. After graduating I decided to broaden my range of interest > Missing a comma after introductory clause. Read use of Comma
5. After graduating I decided to broaden my range of interest and went exploring with my group of friends out of town.> lack of parallel verb structure) ?
6. During this time, I get to experience different kind of lifestyles and visited many different areas in the city. > Confusing timeline
7. Whenever I first visited a place, there was one thing that I will always look out for. > Too casual; avoid ending this sentence with a preposition
8. It was the structural design of the buildings and how different it is from the town I grew up in. > Polish this sentence.
9. My hobby is to play sports and I excel in Badminton. > Comma is missing.
10. An example will be that, I often follow my coach > Misplaced Comma?
11. ... for the primary school students where I will taking charge and looking after a group of students and their well-being. > 'will be'/'will take'? Read about future progressive tense - https://www.grammar-monster.com/glossary/future_tense.htm
12. One weakness I have in communicating is that, I often stutter when explaining and giving a clear and concise instructions. > Unnecessary comma?
13. A good example would be during the classes I conduct for the primary school students > 'the' needed?
14. When giving instructions and explaining to the group, they often have questions to ask me which had me thinking for the proper terms and words to use. > Polish this sentence; aim for conciseness and coherence
15. my goal is to be able to converse > remove unnecessary words.
Let's review this and refine it.
Thanks,
Somrita
Dear Professor Somrita,
DeleteMy name is Jerrick Soh. I am currently a first-year student studying at the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). My course of study is Civil Engineering. I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a Diploma in Electronics, Computer, and Communication Engineering. After graduating, I decided to broaden my range of interests and explore with my group of friends out of town. During this time, I got to experience a different kind of lifestyles and visited many different areas in the city. Whenever I first visited a place, there was one thing that drew my attention. I enjoyed comparing structural designs between the buildings there and the town I grew up in. This has sparked a new interest in me and hence, I decided to pursue Civil Engineering at SIT.
My hobby is playing sports, especially Badminton. I specialized in playing doubles, which requires communicating well with my partner as well as the team. During the gameplay, my partner and I will often communicate with each other and discuss strategies to play. This allows us to get an advantage over our opponents. Communication is constantly happening during gameplay as the opponents will also be discussing among themselves how to win the game. One thing I have learned in badminton is to be able to get my messages across to one another. An example is that I often follow my coach to conduct classes for primary school students. My role is to teach and look after a small group of students. This is where I exercise my communication skills while teaching the students, both physically and verbally.
One weakness I have in communicating is that I often stutter when explaining and giving clear and concise instructions. A good example would be during classes I conduct for the primary school students. Sometimes, primary school students may be hard to handle due to their playfulness and their curiosity towards anything that has their interest. When giving instructions and explaining to a group of students, they often have questions to ask. I tend to stutter and pause for a while to think about the correct word to use before answering the students. However, the students may not understand. Hence, I would concur that I am not fluent enough to bring across messages to different people.
In this effective communication module, my goal is to converse and articulate my intended message with ease. I hope to be more confident in public speaking as well as conducting classes for primary school students.
Yours sincerely,
Jerrick Soh